July 11,
2015
6:53 AM
It was a
usual day as I paced around the academic oval. Classes have been suspended for
three long days. Raindrops began to fall slowly as the icy wind made me shudder.
I kept moving forward and decided to sit on one of the stony concreted benches.
This is the same place we chattered about our life before; the same place I
lost you. For the very first time in my life, here is the place where I felt so
free; that I finally found myself. While I saved my feelings unexpressed, I continuously
wrote about you. I was a helpless coward, afraid to come out of my cocoon. We
were on the same page of two different books.
Why are
we scared to say our true feelings?
I wanted
to hug you, but I was afraid you won’t hug me back. I sought to stare at you,
but I was fearful to see you go. I desired to show you my world, but I was troubled
you’d refuse to see. I pursued to draw you close to me. Each instant with you is
like paradise. You never fail to leave me astounded by your existence. My
nerves were petrified. These moments, I saw myself dumbfounded to show you how I
feel; anxious to lose you at the same time. All I wanted was to care for you,
sorry if you felt bothered.
You whispered
that you like me a hundred times. I didn’t pay attention. A thousand times you questioned
me if I felt it. I just gazed at you and smiled a bit. You see, I am not good
at this. Not that romantic kind of person. I never said that I like you, that I
was falling for you. I never said that I was starting to love you. Pardon me
for hiding my true feelings; but I swear, these were the days I felt so blissful
that I can perish anytime. I was anxious to let you discern how I feel. I needed
a little more time to prepare myself to burst my bubble. I believed you’d
always be there, I was wrong. You got tired, and walked away from my life.
We are
scared because we hate the agony of rejection.
I tried
to look for you in the wind, but it passed me a cold shiver. I sought for you
in the ocean, but I didn’t know how to swim. I attempted to follow your smell,
but your scent got lost halfway. I strived to trail the echo of your voice, but
I got deaf and lost your route. I searched for you in the place we first met,
but they said you never came back. You vanished without saying goodbye; my
feelings gone unspoken. I just lost you. I know you’ll never read this blog. Still,
I wrote about us to immortalize our bitter sweet memories. I hope you are happy
the same way that someone makes me happy again right now.
I don’t
know if this is good. I am not scared anymore. You forgot to return all my
feelings you took the day you left. I feel deficient, as a body without a soul.
We are
not susceptible of emotions and feelings anymore. We forgot the feeling of
being happy and getting hurt. The wind blows, we stay on the ground. Thrown on
the sea, we can survive. They cut us deep, but we continue to grow. Rain pours
on us, it makes us stronger. Scorched by the Sun’s heat, it makes us nobler. But
we have limitations too. Uproot us, we wither. Refuse to give us oxygen, we die
a silent death. We are dignified martyrs. Consume us and we won’t resist. Take us if this will make you happier; make us a part of you.
Like a
true plant, we are beautifully broken.
July 11,
2015
7:39 PM
